How I Tried to Lose My Virginity and Gorg Gluten Free Dessert that is Good For You! (plus my nutmilk recipe)
When I was in 7th grade I had one of those crushes that simply consumes you, on a Senior boy…dream big. Did it matter that my haircut had been done in the kitchen at home and that my chest resembled mosquito bites…no, it did not because nothing can stop love.
Every day during study hall I would compose a love note to my crush; a note I would never give, naturally.
The note, was an outlined proposal for the senior to take my virginity.
Ironically, the year before in 6th grade I distinctly recall saying to my best friend that whoever married me would have to love me enough to never have sex with me because that was just something I was never ever gonna do.
A year and some hormonal changes and suddenly Ole No Sex Ever was apparently ready to, not just kiss a fellow 12 year old but seduce an 18 year old. #HealthyEgo.
See, all I desired from Senior boy was just one night; not a relationship. He after all, already had a serious girlfriend; the sweetest girl in school and I certainly did not want to break them up. I didn’t wanna marry him either, just lose my virginity to him.
Sometimes fate would cause Senior boy and I to pass each other in the empty school halls during a bathroom break from class. It would be just him and I on a long runway approach towards one another. My palms would sweat profusely as the note burned a hole in my pocket. As we approached each other he would smile and say, Hi. I would say Hi back. Then I would relay this conversation over and over and over in my mind and to my best friends both between classes, in notes to each other and on the phone, for the rest of the week.
I wrote the note about 300 times that year
and carried it in my pocket each day,
and ripped into thousands of tiny pieces each nite.
But I never ever gave the note to him, thank goddess and kept my virginity till I was sweet 16 like nice girls should.
And now my Dear Darling Reader, I am gonna pop your cherry and give you the note on how to prepare a mind blowing, delicious, verrry healthy dessert recipe!
Banana “Ice Cream”
Peel, Cut and Freeze a very ripe banana for at least 12 hours. I keep frozen bananas in a glass bowl with lid in the freezer at all times for my daily smoothies!
(don’t forget what you’ve learned by following @yesbetchyes on instagram….a brown spotted banana lubricates your intestines, whereas a green banana binds you up)
Take one frozen banana per serving and toss into a vitamix or other high speed blender along with a lil less than half a cup of nut milk. I usually add a teaspoon of organic vanilla extract and/or teaspoon of organic cinnamon.
OMIGOD riiiiight!!!??? Can you believe how damn good it is?
This “dessert” is good for you!
Bananas are a low glycemic fruit that will not take your blood sugar on any crazy adventure. They are full of potassium (great for all my boozers and athletes.) Bananas are rich in Iron (great for all my preggos and anemic pals.) And they are super high in fiber which your digestive and elimination system will thank you for!
Soak two cups of raw nuts over night in water.
Put your soaked nuts into a Vitamix or high speed blender along with four cups of water, a hearty dash of cinnamon, a big ole squirt of coconut palm nectar and blend.
Now pour your blended mix into a nut bag (I got mine from Oneluckyduck.com) that you are holding over a large bowl, preferably with a lip for pouring.
Pour into a mason jars or something cute and enjoy!
Nut milk is a great protein source and if made from almonds it is very alkaline, not acidic as other nuts are to the body. And remember disease forms and lives and grows in acidic bodies not alkaline ones.
When I am feeling really decadent I serve the “ice cream” with a raw, vegan, gf chocolate macaroon. My fave brand in the stores is Emmy’s Organics or you can make your own:
raw, vegan, gluten free
In a bowl mix
one cup of almond flour