The Kale Files or How To Eat Like Madonna If She Were A Lezberry PART ONE of a New Recipe Series.

I  get asked about once a week to share my recipes so I says to myself (in young, urban drug dealer, type voice); why not blog that shit, son!

I heart cooking majorly and I do it nearly every day. I am also a full blown health nut. Some folks crave pizza and taco's I
crave/crave/crave kale and brown rice. I also really enjoy working out, so clearly I am one of God's chosen angels to walk the earth as living lezberry in the greatest city in the world. I know this sounds crazy coming from a New Yorker who has every culinary delight right outside her door…but I usually prefer my own cooking. My dinner parties are notorious b.i.g. Of course, there is always just a little too much wine but more than once (more than 12 times) I have seen grown, successful women quite literally lick their plates at my kitchen table. My fave food is veggies, narrow that down: KALE!

I have this theory I would love to share:  adults who were formula fed babies like to eat the same thing everyday, as that initial feeding/nutrition never varied in flavor. Whereas, the breast fed babies milk changed in flavor everyday based on what the mother had consumed. Soooo what am I saying…I am saying you are gonna get a lot of kale recipes on this blog as I was a formula fed baby. Despite being born in the 70's and in a hippie house I had the formz cuz I was majorly allergic to my Mother ie her milk.

I was grew up very hippie, rural woods Vermont and was raised eating whole foods right out of the garden. Of course I went thru a rebellion as a teen and ate as many Twinkies, sandwich meats and Top Ramen noodles as possible but as an adult I returned to the pallet of my early childhood. I believe that how I eat will keep me living a long, healthy life and is the number one reason I have great skin and loads of energy. I actually totally detest the Reagan era, rich republican in the 80's trend that is happening right now in NYC…I will skip the iceberg with bleu cheese and pork belly for some tofu n kale, booooooooquet. (ps say 'bouquet' the way a Queenie urban type would say okaaaay.)

Okay kiddies lez begin with My Signature Salad and Raw Kale followed by Kale Chips and Sauteed Kale:

Galadriel's Signature Salad:

Salad Ingredients:

Romaine lettuce chopped
One organic cucumber chopped into bite size pieces
One handful of cilantro finely chopped
One package of Lightlife brand Fakin Bacon Tempeh strips, fried lightly in olive oil and chopped
One avocado cubed
Feel free to add shredded raw daikon, beets and/or purple carrots.
Juice of one lemon
Sea Salt
Nutritional Yeast
Flax Seed Oil

How To Prepare:

Lightly fry both sides of the tempeh in olive oil. Remove from heat, cool then chop into bite size pieces.
Chop all veggies and toss together in a bowl.
Drizzle the lemon juice on tossed raw veggies.
Drizzle about 3 tablespoons or more to taste of Flax Seed Oil or First Cold Pressed olive oil on veggies. It may be helpful to sing "drizzle it, just a lil bit" to the melody of the 1990 hit by 2 in a Room, Wiggle It.
Sea Salt to taste.
2 heaping tablespoons of Nutritional Yeast. (vitamin b people, major! hate depression then eat nutritional yeast it's a vegan's bff, where else ya gonna get all that vit b!)
Now toss again.
Add the tempeh on top and serve!
PS the lettuce is not the star of this salad, I am really using equal parts lettuce and raw veggies. This is a very satisfying meal full that is high in protein and fiber and low in carbs.

Raw Kale:

I suggest lacinato kale but feel free to use purple kale or curly kale.

Wash the kale in cool water.
Then Cut kale horizontally and vertically in thin strips.
Toss into a big bowl.
Now massage  the kale using olive oil and your hands for a moment or two until all pieces are coated and tender
Add sea salt and the juice of one lemon and massage briefly once again.
I often add one or more of the following: pumpkin seeds, avocado covered in cumin and/or small pieces of carrot and celery.
You can add a bit of toasted sesame oil for a completely different flavor, if you do leave out the lemon juice. Some peeps quite enjoy adding fresh Parmesan sprinkles and a white bean making this raw kale an entree!

This will keep for a day or two if you don't additively eat the whole head of kale in one sitting.

Kale Chips:

Cut your kale into tortilla size pieces.
Place on a baking sheet.
Rub each piece with olive oil, the juice of one lemon and tons of sea salt. (PS I really get into Himalayan pink rock salt, hello majorly good for you.)
Bake for 10 to 15 minutes at 475.
You can add other flavors such as Cayenne or Cumin if you want it to be uber flavorful or muay muay caliente.

Just make sure you let em cool before enjoying…who needs chips when you have kale, hello!

Sauteed Kale (sars no pic)

Sometimes you want a lil somethin somethin warm on cold or wet day. So why not saute the veggie that fights cancer and is full of anti-oxidants.

Saute in a huge frying pan with olive oil:
Lots of fresh garlic ( I do about two tablespoons minced)
Fresh ginger root (I chop into pieces about half the size of a pinky nail for lack of a better visual description)
One small sweet onion
Now add about 5 tablespoons of water and toss in your kale
Chop kale both horizontally and vertically into strips
Saute for less than five minutes serve with tofu or any protein of your little heart desires.

Next up Recipe's…how to eat Italian with out the carbs and the dish that all my ex girlfriends miss more than me.