It gets even better than you can imagine

Most of us at one time or another in our life have thought about suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The current problem is an epidemic of  unrelenting and severe bullying on gay teenagers in the United States.
 But you guys, being a teen is sooo temporary, and soon you will be a fab gay, living large as an adult in your own gorgeous world.

Dear Gay Teens,

Ya know how everyone says, it gets better? They ain't lyin. It gets sooo good.
Lemme tell ya a lil bit about being a gay adult.

Gays are in the upper echelon of earning so you will be very very wealthy.

Gays are gorgeous and well groomed style makers so you will be mad sexy.

Gays have the most active sex lives so you will always be gettin some. And I mean always. (Did you know when gays go to the gym they often get some in the locker room, yes its true.)

 Most gays have had an overbearing mother or abusive this or that therefore they use their abundant gay dollars on therapy which means most gays have broken self defeating patterns and know how to manage their feelings and behavior in even the most adverse situations.

Gays are the creative masters behind most pop and movie stars…so you will be friends with all the famous people.

Gays are always the funniest people in the room so everyone will want to hang with you.

Gays are very well read, often multi lingual and have ginormous vocabularies as gays developed disiplined enjoyment in reading and studying during the lonely, friend-less, youth stage while holed up hiding from the bully's.

You will go to all the best parties, you will vacation in the chicest places, your closet will be filled with yumminess and your spotless home will inspire Elle decor.

And if you decide to domesticate with a partner and start a family you will be theeee best parent of all time cuz Gays have to work to go the distance to have a child.

Gays are smart and pretty.

For the bully IT GETS WORSE, IT GETS MUCH MUCH WORSE. The bully is and I can guarantee this, not gonna end up looking like Vin Diesel but more like Tom Arnold. The bully is gonna be boring, super fat, age at a rapid rate, dress horribly and be alone even if he has a nagging wife and several children. The bully is stuck in a shitty job.

Also, he is probably a sad sack closeted homo and that's why he bullied you in the first place otherwise why would he give a rat's ass about a classmates sexual orientation…it ain't catching.

Have you toyed with the idea of bullying back? Or how about this the next time someone calls you a dyke or a fag say THANK YOU with a big flirtatous smile on your face as you have just received a lovely compliment.

Galadriel Masterson
(a wildly creative, succesful, chic, funny, lezberry living large in the greatest metropolitian in the world, NYC.)